Thursday, January 22, 2009


These are not the kicks I imagined. The lazy, languid nudges from a baby simply stretching out within the roomy (for now) confines of my womb. Oh no. You, my dear, are strong. You kick and punch and elbow with a force that surprises me. Everything I'm reading says you are just about one pound and the size of a doll but you have such STRENGTH.

Last night I laid in bed and felt you travel from one side to the other. Again and again. You seemed bored, even restless. I know that it's silly to attribute such complex emotions to you but I can't help but feel I've got one willfull little girl in there. With curly hair and her father's green eyes and an unusual capacity for mischief. Only time will tell but I can tell you this--it's only going to get more crowded in there until it's time for you to come out. And oh my, I can't wait to see you stretch your legs out in the world.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


This morning, in celebration of the dawning of a new political regime in the US, I threw up in the sink while brushing my teeth. Twice. Then the car door was frozen shut, and really it's remarkable that I made it to work at all, much less 10 minutes late.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

My sweet girl.

There is a lot to be scared about right now. We are still in an unjust war; new, horrible conflicts are starting (or re-starting); our economy is in a shambles; our environment is perched on the edge of ruin. But today? Today millions of people are witness to change. While one man cannot fix the problems of this country alone, the hope that he inspires is a catalyst. And so, while it is a scary time to bring a precious new life into the world, it is also a really exciting time to be alive. I am so glad you get to be a part of this.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

So far today...

...I have had to pee 4 times. It's barely 11 o'clock. From what I can tell you are currently practicing your rythmic gymnastic routine on my bladder. Never in my life have I been so aware of my bladder and where it is in my body and what it feels like to have it KICKED by something roughly the size of a Barbie doll.

Not that you aren't adorable and that I don't love ever kick. I am just very AWARE of you today. According to the various websites you are weighing in around one pound now (go you!) and a think all of that weight is focused on my bladder.

Monday, January 12, 2009

On belly buttons and parties.

Two quick notes:

1. The landscape of my belly button is changing, and I can't stop fiddling with it. It's become a shallow, smooth basin, the wrinkles it's harbored for over 30 years suddenly smoothing out. It looks like a perfect swimming pool for an ant. I guess this means I'm on my way to that odd pregnancy belly button, flattened smooth or even popping out and showing through your shirt. Ew.

2. Such a social weekend, a benefit and two parties to go to, and now my hips hurt so badly I'm walking funny. I HATE to sit down at parties, I'm too restless and would almost always rather be on my feet. I need to learn to get over this, I fear, until the summer. Ow.

Friday night at the benefit you started kicking wildly when a drums started. I can see where this is going.

Friday, January 9, 2009

A day.

Alarm goes off, Buster starts thumping his tail against my leg. I get up, go to the bathroom, and go into the kitchen. Start to heat up water for my tea and feed Buster. Make some raisin toast, let Buster out, and sit in front of the computer. Do my makeup and eat my breakfast while catching up on some blogs. Time to get dressed, realize that I am going to need a couple more maternity things to get through winter if it's going to be this cold.

Chris goes outside to start my car to let it heat up (awfully nice). I pack up some food to take to the office--yogurt and a banana for my second breakfast, an apple, a frozen organic mac and cheese, some string cheese, some turkey jerky. Go out to my thawed out car, realize that the gas is below empty. Crap. Stop for a quick $5 in gas and get gas on my shoe. Crap again. The sun is shining, it's been raining for weeks and it's still a surprise to have the sun in my face as I drive. The sun is watery and pale, you can really tell it's January. Still, I want to bask in it like a cat.

Arrive at work miraculously only 5 minutes late, considering the gas debacle. Throw my lunch in the freezer and turn my computer on. Contemplate my yogurt.

Check emails, do some research, send in my timesheet, wage epic war against my vintage work computer. Eat a piece of cheese. Sadly you will find that a lot of my day revolves around food, whether I'm eating enough of it, and whether it's what I should eat. This is annoying, but necessary as you seem to be taking most of the vital nutrients. As well you should! You have a lot more going on, actually.

I brought my lunch today but was convinced by my newly pregnant (and ooky feeling) friend convinced me to go out. We had crappy delicious breadsticks and spaghetti and now I am a garlic hazard. I have to really think about what I am going to eat because apparently I will be tortured into tasting and retasting it for the rest of the day. Urp.

I'm trying to be clever and it's very hard. This can sum up my workday a lot of the time.

Am done being clever! Time for some paperwork. And a snack, some apple slices.

Flee to the car, drive home. NPR has been depressing me to literal tears lately so I've been listening to This American Life. Today's episode was about "Accidental Documentaries"; old tapes found in basements, thrift stores, etc. The first act was recordings of a family in the 60's that they sent to their son in medical school. The wife seemed so sad and the dad so detached. If nothing else I am thankful that you are being born into an age where fathers can and do show emotion and are connected to their families beyond being the breadwinner.

It's a Friday, and while I generally prefer to stay in and rest these days I have plans tonight. My best friend Alison is in town from London--other than your father she was the only one lucky enough to see your latest ultrasound! We're going to a benefit so it won't be a late night.
More to come...

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Updates to the list...

1. get better at sewing
2. choose some knitting projects for winter
3. update the food blog with my favorite freezable and make-ahead meals
4. learn how to use my camera on manual
5. walk through all of the Pioneer Woman Photoshop Lessons
6. have yard sale (one week from tomorrow)
7. finish eBaying clothes, shoes, and bags
8. take loads of things we don't need and can't sell to Goodwill
9. Simplify.

Well...someone has some work to do, especially with her camera. And really, the knitting project I chose is 19 rows of a very boring baby blanket that I then discarded. It's nice yarn, too. Hmm. And considering I haven't even updated the food blog with the news of my pregnancy, that's looking pretty pathetic, too.

The good news is I've eBayed tons of clothes, bags and shoes and made a nice chunk of money while I was at it. The garage sale was a success and paid half of our couch recovering costs. And I've taken lots to Goodwill, and have more bagged up and ready to go. These efforts all go towards my goal to simplify, as well as taking some time off from writing professionally.

Really all I am thinking about is decorating the nursery, so I guess that can get added to the list!

Picture: 20 weeks

Well, here is a so-so picture of me and my growing belly at 20 weeks. Now that I'm at the halfway point I hope to make a concerted effort to take a belly picture every week, but we shall just see how that goes. Next week I'll wear something a bit more form-fitting so you can really see how much I've popped out there!

Monday, January 5, 2009


A girl! You are a GIRL, and there is apparently no freaking doubt about it. The ultrasonographer even said 100%, which is a dangerous figure for her to throw around, no doubt.

I could put a picture here of your extra wee ladybits, just to extend the mortification to the entire internet, but I'll spare you...for now. Besides, I've got a nursery to plan and names to daydream about. After 5 months of "it" and "the baby" you are "her" and "she"! I can't even wrap my head around it quite yet.

Tomorrow I head back to work after a blissful break and I plan to drag Chris out of bed to take an official belly shot. Now that the belly is in full effect, and filled with squirming (seriously, you never stop moving. Ever.) little girl, we better document it!

A girl. My daughter. Holy crap.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Back from your first vacation.

In spite of the looming money woes surrounding maternity leave Chris and I took a much needed trip to the beach after Christmas this year. After the agonizingly long drive, made longer by my insanely small bladder, it was five days of warm sunshine, cool breezes, and feeling weightless in the pool. Considering I look like I'm smuggling a beachball in my stretched-to-the-limit bathingsuit, weightless was awfully nice. We ate a lot of great seafood and continued our tradition of lobster tail, stone crab claws, and a nip of champagne on New Years Eve.

And you? You have not stopped moving for the past 807 hours. Right now it feels like you are practicing some sort of martial art in there. Chris was finally able to feel you this morning, he *thinks*, but I feel nothing BUT you. Active little thing, aren't you?