Oh, I see.

Yesterday was...not good. I felt sea sick, like I was rocking under waves of vague nausea and discomfort. I got into bed at 7:30 and while I didn't go to sleep, I didn't get up except to pee 234 times. Finally I was actually hungry and ate a plate of pierogies with onions, in bed, watching Mad Men on my fancy new iPod.

Today I learned about maternity leave and I'm seriously freaked out. I am glad that I've already bought my iPod treat because after today I am flat out panicking about money, about time, about everything. My hormones are In Control today and I'm too weak to fight.

Same.

I'm still coughing, not much has changed. I have an approved inhaler that makes me all shakey which isn't really a fun trade-off for a cough-free hour at best. But I'm muddling through.

The appetite is still weird and getting to be unpleasant. For instance, the dumplings that sounded so good at lunchtime are now making me very burpey and icky feeling. Last night, in a fit of needing to make something for the bookclub I'm hosting this evening, I started making up a hearty mushroom stew that initially smelled and sounded wonderful. After an hour of cooking, though, I didn't even want to look at it. Is this how it's going to be now? Whereas before I didn't want anything at all, now I will want things only to not want them after all when it's too late? Tricky tricky baby.

One week until the doctors appointment where I hope to see the flicker of a heartbeat. I'm simultaneously excited and nervous.

I had no idea.

I had no idea, for example, that if you were prone to asthmatic symptoms prior to getting knocked up, that wee lil' baby can make you 100x more prone to such symptoms. So, a mere cold turned into asthmatic bronchitis. I might have to stay on this inhaler for the duration of the winter. Other than the marginal aid of said inhaler, I pretty much have to suffer through it. Hmph.

It seems that the name I originally chose for this blog, which alluded to my very early cravings of orange cheese, is a misnomer. I don't crave Doritos now. I don't crave much of anything other than sleep and for this cough to go away. I am enjoying those little boxes of Horizon Organic Strawberry Milk but that doesn't have the ring to it that I was looking for. So, Doritos it is and Doritos it will be. Perhaps the craving will come back.

Had my first bit of ickiness this weekend. Cold clammy sweat, need to sit down, oh dear am I going to puke in the Co-op? Fun stuff remedied by a delicious sandwich from the Farmer's Market.

In Praise of the Bella Band.

Let's see, according to the helpful weekly updates I get, the adorable bundle of cells is organizing (go union!), growing cell layers, and getting seriously cozy in Ye Olde Uterine Lining. And you are less than a millimeter long, my adorable blastocyst! Do you know how tiny a millimeter is?? Having nothing to compare it to, being a brand new thing, I guess not. It's very small. And so, you must realize how incredibly ridiculous it is that my pants are too tight. Ridiculous! At this point I am gestating a 4-month gas baby.

Enter the Bella Band, a remarkably simple yet necessary band of stretchy fabric that enables me to leave my top jeans button unbuttoned. OH GLORIOUS FREEDOM. Seriously, this is the best thing about today, the Bella Band.

Not the best thing? Bananas and their disgusting banananess and mushy texture. Gag me. Oh, and the heartburn that I had last night was MOST UNCIVILIZED. I promise to not eat frozen Chicken Tikka Masala any more, just please let me sleep.

Too sick to notice.

I have a terrible cold. Terrible! Oh, adorable bundle of cells, this cold is getting the better of me. But really, it is making me appreciate the modern miracle that is over-the-counter medicine. Nyquil! Sudafed! Advil Cold & Sinus! None of which I can take!

I mentioned before that I am medicating myself with the Neti Pot, orange juice, and wishes, but we've upped the ante today. Today your father, (remind me to tell you more about him later), brought me chicken broth, Vicks Vaporub, and Vitamin Water! And Snicker's Ice Cream bars which I assure you is an ancient homeopathic remedy. I have slept most of the day, tried to do some work, and I'm rereading Twilight. Yes, nothing but the best for you.

Because of the dastardly cold I am not noticing much on the pregnancy symptom front. Well, other than my front, which is spilling out of its bra and HURTS. And the plague of gas continues. I burp every minute. Every sip of water is followed by multiple burps. So special.

I think I have to go back to bed now and rub myself down with Vicks Vaporub and read more about the tortured teenaged vampire Edward.

The first.

This is the first of a million or more days. A million days of hope, fear, love, happiness, and wonder. This is the day I found out I was pregnant.

But first, last week. I had been running around in the chunky, strappy sandals that are so popular this year, and when I got home from work I realized they were so tight on my normally quite slender feet that the straps had left a mark. And my wedding rings were tight on my finger and the soft, squishy skin on my stomach had risen over my waistband like a tube of refrigerated biscuits when first opened. I was a vision.

Last weekend, I opened up a chicken for roasted and nearly fell over from the sick smell of it. Turns out it had actually gone a bit off but I was so grossed out that I'm having trouble eating poultry at all. All I want are Doritos, much to my dismay. Delicious, salty, crunchy, alarmingly orange Doritos.

It's five days before my period is due but I like peeing on money so I decided to take a pregnancy test just for fun. This is the fifth month of trying to get pregnant, which is just long enough to really get used to seeing that negative test. Imagine my shock when that second line starts forming immediately, like, "Oh lady, you are REALLY pregnant, no need to wait 5 minutes!" Shock quickly turns to giddiness as I quickly go shove something I've just peed on under Chris' nose. Such a magic time.

Of course, I've also got a cold. A cold that I would normally self medicated liberally with Nyquil and hot toddies and instead am treating with a Neti pot, orange juice, and hope. I am a snot factory who wants Doritos and has really awful gas. And I can't sleep. I am truly a vision to behold.

But oh, I'm so happy. I can't wait for every step along the way. I'm barely 4 weeks pregnant according to the nurse at my doctor's office, and my first appointment isn't until closer to 7 weeks, when we can hopefully see the heartbeat on my first ultrasound. 3 weeks seems SO far away, so long to hold off on telling anyone, but I know at some point I will look back on this time and feel like it flew by. I can't wait.