History!

Well, I spent most of the month of October in California for work, it seemed, and I've returned to Tennessee just as fall is peaking. I can't quite believe that by next November you will be 6 months old and able to see the brilliant red orange that our maple tree turns every year. Unreal.

This was a momentous week, on both national and personal levels. We elected a man to be our next president who signifies a great change and new level of hope for our country. The moment I found out that Barack Obama would be our next president, 11:00pm on Tuesday November 4th, I let out a big sigh, a few tears, and was so thankful that you would be born while our country is ruled by such an amazing man. The very idea that Barack Obama will be the president you first remember as a child moves me beyond belief. We have a long way to go but suddenly things don't feel insurmountable. I am so proud.

This week we also heard your heartbeat, loud and STRONG. So strong that my OB remarked in a rather shocked way. You are superbaby, I am starting to think. I'm 11 weeks along now and this doctors appointment gave me such peace of mind and confidence that you are going to be okay. We both are.

In other pregnancy symptom news, I have developed a new (and I've been assured temporary) allergy to the nickel in gold. Meaning that in place of my wedding rings I have an angry red rash. Lovely. I also continue to have very little appetite, which was reflected in the scale at the doctors, I've lost 4 pounds in a month. I have a little extra weight so I'm not really concerned about it, but I do miss the pleasure of food. I have a new love for Orange Julius, though, and could happily live on those. Maybe they are a good source of vitamin C?

Oh, I see.

Yesterday was...not good. I felt sea sick, like I was rocking under waves of vague nausea and discomfort. I got into bed at 7:30 and while I didn't go to sleep, I didn't get up except to pee 234 times. Finally I was actually hungry and ate a plate of pierogies with onions, in bed, watching Mad Men on my fancy new iPod.

Today I learned about maternity leave and I'm seriously freaked out. I am glad that I've already bought my iPod treat because after today I am flat out panicking about money, about time, about everything. My hormones are In Control today and I'm too weak to fight.

Same.

I'm still coughing, not much has changed. I have an approved inhaler that makes me all shakey which isn't really a fun trade-off for a cough-free hour at best. But I'm muddling through.

The appetite is still weird and getting to be unpleasant. For instance, the dumplings that sounded so good at lunchtime are now making me very burpey and icky feeling. Last night, in a fit of needing to make something for the bookclub I'm hosting this evening, I started making up a hearty mushroom stew that initially smelled and sounded wonderful. After an hour of cooking, though, I didn't even want to look at it. Is this how it's going to be now? Whereas before I didn't want anything at all, now I will want things only to not want them after all when it's too late? Tricky tricky baby.

One week until the doctors appointment where I hope to see the flicker of a heartbeat. I'm simultaneously excited and nervous.

I had no idea.

I had no idea, for example, that if you were prone to asthmatic symptoms prior to getting knocked up, that wee lil' baby can make you 100x more prone to such symptoms. So, a mere cold turned into asthmatic bronchitis. I might have to stay on this inhaler for the duration of the winter. Other than the marginal aid of said inhaler, I pretty much have to suffer through it. Hmph.

It seems that the name I originally chose for this blog, which alluded to my very early cravings of orange cheese, is a misnomer. I don't crave Doritos now. I don't crave much of anything other than sleep and for this cough to go away. I am enjoying those little boxes of Horizon Organic Strawberry Milk but that doesn't have the ring to it that I was looking for. So, Doritos it is and Doritos it will be. Perhaps the craving will come back.

Had my first bit of ickiness this weekend. Cold clammy sweat, need to sit down, oh dear am I going to puke in the Co-op? Fun stuff remedied by a delicious sandwich from the Farmer's Market.

Last night I cried...

...during the Sex In The City movie. More than once. I think I'm blaming even renting the thing in the first place on you, baby, but the crying is definitely your fault. Oh, I cried when Carrie and Big got engaged the first time, I cried when he jilted her, I cried when Charlotte found out she's pregnant, I cried when Louise got her Louis (this was when I KNEW I was being insane), I cried when Louise left, when Steve and Miranda got back together, and when Carrie read Big's love letters. It was RIDICULOUS. Thank god Chris was away at band practice and Buster doesn't judge me. He just wanted to share my popcorn, anyway.

Warm milk with honey and nutmeg.

This seems to be the magic help-me-sleep elixir, even if its effectiveness is mostly in my head. I really wish I had something to write about other than feeling incredibly tired, but I don't. I still don't have much of an appetite but managed to make a really nice pasta last night--roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, and fresh Italian sausage from the Farmer's Market.

While we probably eat a 90% organic diet already it is more important to me than ever to eat food that is whole and good and not scary (the latest thing scaring me--dairy from China). I've always eaten lots of good fruits and vegetables but of course I'm having to force myself to eat much at all. The good news is that Honeycrisp Apples, my #1 favorite, are back in season and in the stores, though they seem to be running nearly $3 for a huge apple. Oh well, it's worth it.

Where are the cravings?

I know they are coming, they have to be. And for a week or two I was all about the Doritos, hence the name of this blog. But for the past week I'm lucky if I want to eat anything at all. I'm not nauseous, not yet, but yet nothing is appealing to me. I'm hungry, but nothing sounds good to eat. Last night I made a lovely dinner (halibut with slow-roasted tomatoes, a simple brown rice risotto, wilted spinach), and it was the first thing that tasted good to me in days. I inhaled it, and thank goodness I did because that piece of halibut ran me $20 and ate up a big part of my food budget for the week. It was SO good, though. I ought to write about that on the other blog, the food blog that people actually read.

But in the mean time, where is my appetite? I have noticed that I can't wait until I get to work to eat my breakfast, as I normally do. So I've been eating a bran muffin with my morning cup of tea while I get ready at home. I eat it mechanically, like it's made of sawdust, even though it's quite good--rife with raisins and molasses. Even better with a salty pat of butter. Then I come in to work and make myself eat my morning yogurt (today it was Emmi Raspberry) and a piece of fruit--a huge honeycrisp apple. Lunch is painful because usually I am ruled by what appeals to me, so today I just packed my favorite black bean and quinoa salad. Even if I have to force myself to eat it, it's tasty and extremely good for me.

I am sure that in a week or two I'll look back at this time and just laugh and laugh. I'll probably tear the face off the vending machine in order to get to the Doritos. But until then I am kind of stymied, because I am a girl who loves food. I love it! But not right now.

In other news, I slept the sleep of the dead last night. A big mug of warm milk with honey and nutmeg and half a Benadryl gave me the relief I needed. I am still tired at work but nowhere near the zombie I was yesterday.