Whoopsie.

It's been over a month! Oops. I would say that time has flown because I've been so busy or something, but really I've just been lazy and forgetful. So let's see, what's new in the past month...

I am FINALLY starting to show a little. As in, a belly that looks more pregnant and less fat. But it's still pretty small. I haven't gained any weight still and have a goal of 6 pounds by January 5th. Sadly, for the first time in my LIFE this seems like an impossible goal! Food is still a mystery to me. I eat it, but don't get enjoyment from it. Why I had to be blessed with this when I actually am encouraged to gain weight, I'll never know.

But anyway, the belly is coming along and your heartbeat is nice and strong. Next month we get to find out your gender, and make sure that you're growing as you should. I can't wait to see the ultrasound!

History!

Well, I spent most of the month of October in California for work, it seemed, and I've returned to Tennessee just as fall is peaking. I can't quite believe that by next November you will be 6 months old and able to see the brilliant red orange that our maple tree turns every year. Unreal.

This was a momentous week, on both national and personal levels. We elected a man to be our next president who signifies a great change and new level of hope for our country. The moment I found out that Barack Obama would be our next president, 11:00pm on Tuesday November 4th, I let out a big sigh, a few tears, and was so thankful that you would be born while our country is ruled by such an amazing man. The very idea that Barack Obama will be the president you first remember as a child moves me beyond belief. We have a long way to go but suddenly things don't feel insurmountable. I am so proud.

This week we also heard your heartbeat, loud and STRONG. So strong that my OB remarked in a rather shocked way. You are superbaby, I am starting to think. I'm 11 weeks along now and this doctors appointment gave me such peace of mind and confidence that you are going to be okay. We both are.

In other pregnancy symptom news, I have developed a new (and I've been assured temporary) allergy to the nickel in gold. Meaning that in place of my wedding rings I have an angry red rash. Lovely. I also continue to have very little appetite, which was reflected in the scale at the doctors, I've lost 4 pounds in a month. I have a little extra weight so I'm not really concerned about it, but I do miss the pleasure of food. I have a new love for Orange Julius, though, and could happily live on those. Maybe they are a good source of vitamin C?

There you are!

Just a little nugget of a thing, but "perfect" according to the doctor which was just what I needed to hear. Your due date is May 23rd but I'm sure you'll just take that as a suggestion. I celebrated a day of good news by eating everything in the world and I'm regretting it today. I feel bloated and sluggish, moreso than usual. But still, getting that good news was a relief like I couldn't believe. Rock on, baby.

Oh, I see.

Yesterday was...not good. I felt sea sick, like I was rocking under waves of vague nausea and discomfort. I got into bed at 7:30 and while I didn't go to sleep, I didn't get up except to pee 234 times. Finally I was actually hungry and ate a plate of pierogies with onions, in bed, watching Mad Men on my fancy new iPod.

Today I learned about maternity leave and I'm seriously freaked out. I am glad that I've already bought my iPod treat because after today I am flat out panicking about money, about time, about everything. My hormones are In Control today and I'm too weak to fight.

Same.

I'm still coughing, not much has changed. I have an approved inhaler that makes me all shakey which isn't really a fun trade-off for a cough-free hour at best. But I'm muddling through.

The appetite is still weird and getting to be unpleasant. For instance, the dumplings that sounded so good at lunchtime are now making me very burpey and icky feeling. Last night, in a fit of needing to make something for the bookclub I'm hosting this evening, I started making up a hearty mushroom stew that initially smelled and sounded wonderful. After an hour of cooking, though, I didn't even want to look at it. Is this how it's going to be now? Whereas before I didn't want anything at all, now I will want things only to not want them after all when it's too late? Tricky tricky baby.

One week until the doctors appointment where I hope to see the flicker of a heartbeat. I'm simultaneously excited and nervous.

I had no idea.

I had no idea, for example, that if you were prone to asthmatic symptoms prior to getting knocked up, that wee lil' baby can make you 100x more prone to such symptoms. So, a mere cold turned into asthmatic bronchitis. I might have to stay on this inhaler for the duration of the winter. Other than the marginal aid of said inhaler, I pretty much have to suffer through it. Hmph.

It seems that the name I originally chose for this blog, which alluded to my very early cravings of orange cheese, is a misnomer. I don't crave Doritos now. I don't crave much of anything other than sleep and for this cough to go away. I am enjoying those little boxes of Horizon Organic Strawberry Milk but that doesn't have the ring to it that I was looking for. So, Doritos it is and Doritos it will be. Perhaps the craving will come back.

Had my first bit of ickiness this weekend. Cold clammy sweat, need to sit down, oh dear am I going to puke in the Co-op? Fun stuff remedied by a delicious sandwich from the Farmer's Market.

Things I would like to do before you're here.

A running list...

1. get better at sewing
2. choose some knitting projects for winter
3. update the food blog with my favorite freezable and make-ahead meals
4. learn how to use my camera on manual
5. walk through all of the Pioneer Woman Photoshop Lessons
6. have yard sale (one week from tomorrow)
7. finish eBaying clothes, shoes, and bags
8. take loads of things we don't need and can't sell to Goodwill
9. Simplify.

Last night I cried...

...during the Sex In The City movie. More than once. I think I'm blaming even renting the thing in the first place on you, baby, but the crying is definitely your fault. Oh, I cried when Carrie and Big got engaged the first time, I cried when he jilted her, I cried when Charlotte found out she's pregnant, I cried when Louise got her Louis (this was when I KNEW I was being insane), I cried when Louise left, when Steve and Miranda got back together, and when Carrie read Big's love letters. It was RIDICULOUS. Thank god Chris was away at band practice and Buster doesn't judge me. He just wanted to share my popcorn, anyway.

Warm milk with honey and nutmeg.

This seems to be the magic help-me-sleep elixir, even if its effectiveness is mostly in my head. I really wish I had something to write about other than feeling incredibly tired, but I don't. I still don't have much of an appetite but managed to make a really nice pasta last night--roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, and fresh Italian sausage from the Farmer's Market.

While we probably eat a 90% organic diet already it is more important to me than ever to eat food that is whole and good and not scary (the latest thing scaring me--dairy from China). I've always eaten lots of good fruits and vegetables but of course I'm having to force myself to eat much at all. The good news is that Honeycrisp Apples, my #1 favorite, are back in season and in the stores, though they seem to be running nearly $3 for a huge apple. Oh well, it's worth it.

Where are the cravings?

I know they are coming, they have to be. And for a week or two I was all about the Doritos, hence the name of this blog. But for the past week I'm lucky if I want to eat anything at all. I'm not nauseous, not yet, but yet nothing is appealing to me. I'm hungry, but nothing sounds good to eat. Last night I made a lovely dinner (halibut with slow-roasted tomatoes, a simple brown rice risotto, wilted spinach), and it was the first thing that tasted good to me in days. I inhaled it, and thank goodness I did because that piece of halibut ran me $20 and ate up a big part of my food budget for the week. It was SO good, though. I ought to write about that on the other blog, the food blog that people actually read.

But in the mean time, where is my appetite? I have noticed that I can't wait until I get to work to eat my breakfast, as I normally do. So I've been eating a bran muffin with my morning cup of tea while I get ready at home. I eat it mechanically, like it's made of sawdust, even though it's quite good--rife with raisins and molasses. Even better with a salty pat of butter. Then I come in to work and make myself eat my morning yogurt (today it was Emmi Raspberry) and a piece of fruit--a huge honeycrisp apple. Lunch is painful because usually I am ruled by what appeals to me, so today I just packed my favorite black bean and quinoa salad. Even if I have to force myself to eat it, it's tasty and extremely good for me.

I am sure that in a week or two I'll look back at this time and just laugh and laugh. I'll probably tear the face off the vending machine in order to get to the Doritos. But until then I am kind of stymied, because I am a girl who loves food. I love it! But not right now.

In other news, I slept the sleep of the dead last night. A big mug of warm milk with honey and nutmeg and half a Benadryl gave me the relief I needed. I am still tired at work but nowhere near the zombie I was yesterday.

You MUST let me sleep.

OH FINE. My post was just erased.

In Praise of the Bella Band.

Let's see, according to the helpful weekly updates I get, the adorable bundle of cells is organizing (go union!), growing cell layers, and getting seriously cozy in Ye Olde Uterine Lining. And you are less than a millimeter long, my adorable blastocyst! Do you know how tiny a millimeter is?? Having nothing to compare it to, being a brand new thing, I guess not. It's very small. And so, you must realize how incredibly ridiculous it is that my pants are too tight. Ridiculous! At this point I am gestating a 4-month gas baby.

Enter the Bella Band, a remarkably simple yet necessary band of stretchy fabric that enables me to leave my top jeans button unbuttoned. OH GLORIOUS FREEDOM. Seriously, this is the best thing about today, the Bella Band.

Not the best thing? Bananas and their disgusting banananess and mushy texture. Gag me. Oh, and the heartburn that I had last night was MOST UNCIVILIZED. I promise to not eat frozen Chicken Tikka Masala any more, just please let me sleep.

Too sick to notice.

I have a terrible cold. Terrible! Oh, adorable bundle of cells, this cold is getting the better of me. But really, it is making me appreciate the modern miracle that is over-the-counter medicine. Nyquil! Sudafed! Advil Cold & Sinus! None of which I can take!

I mentioned before that I am medicating myself with the Neti Pot, orange juice, and wishes, but we've upped the ante today. Today your father, (remind me to tell you more about him later), brought me chicken broth, Vicks Vaporub, and Vitamin Water! And Snicker's Ice Cream bars which I assure you is an ancient homeopathic remedy. I have slept most of the day, tried to do some work, and I'm rereading Twilight. Yes, nothing but the best for you.

Because of the dastardly cold I am not noticing much on the pregnancy symptom front. Well, other than my front, which is spilling out of its bra and HURTS. And the plague of gas continues. I burp every minute. Every sip of water is followed by multiple burps. So special.

I think I have to go back to bed now and rub myself down with Vicks Vaporub and read more about the tortured teenaged vampire Edward.

The first.

This is the first of a million or more days. A million days of hope, fear, love, happiness, and wonder. This is the day I found out I was pregnant.

But first, last week. I had been running around in the chunky, strappy sandals that are so popular this year, and when I got home from work I realized they were so tight on my normally quite slender feet that the straps had left a mark. And my wedding rings were tight on my finger and the soft, squishy skin on my stomach had risen over my waistband like a tube of refrigerated biscuits when first opened. I was a vision.

Last weekend, I opened up a chicken for roasted and nearly fell over from the sick smell of it. Turns out it had actually gone a bit off but I was so grossed out that I'm having trouble eating poultry at all. All I want are Doritos, much to my dismay. Delicious, salty, crunchy, alarmingly orange Doritos.

It's five days before my period is due but I like peeing on money so I decided to take a pregnancy test just for fun. This is the fifth month of trying to get pregnant, which is just long enough to really get used to seeing that negative test. Imagine my shock when that second line starts forming immediately, like, "Oh lady, you are REALLY pregnant, no need to wait 5 minutes!" Shock quickly turns to giddiness as I quickly go shove something I've just peed on under Chris' nose. Such a magic time.

Of course, I've also got a cold. A cold that I would normally self medicated liberally with Nyquil and hot toddies and instead am treating with a Neti pot, orange juice, and hope. I am a snot factory who wants Doritos and has really awful gas. And I can't sleep. I am truly a vision to behold.

But oh, I'm so happy. I can't wait for every step along the way. I'm barely 4 weeks pregnant according to the nurse at my doctor's office, and my first appointment isn't until closer to 7 weeks, when we can hopefully see the heartbeat on my first ultrasound. 3 weeks seems SO far away, so long to hold off on telling anyone, but I know at some point I will look back on this time and feel like it flew by. I can't wait.